i always love december! cause it’s a season of giving, cause it’s the holiday feel period. but this year, everything just feels different.

my mood seems to have the ability to change really fast lately. i can like switch between happy and sad instantly. lol. i guess it’s the environment, people and things ba. too much sad and happy things happening already.

i guess this is terrible? i am going crazy with my money, cash and credits. very unwise kind of crazy, but i just feel like spending, like fuck, spend everything kind of spend. hahaha.

i recently read a blog, and this sentence just scream out to me “It can easily be argued that even the most personally fulfilling accomplishment will lose its luster if we don’t have a loved one to share it with.” i guess i am someone that’s pretty much powered and inspired most by the people i love. although at times there’s many things that i really want to share with my family, my parents especially, but the fear of jinxing it somehow set in. haha. it’s so hard to let them know that i am doing well, that great is in sight but just not there yet. and when they randomly ask silly questions, it’s demoralising definitely.

i need to start making decisions with my brain and only my brain. let’s just completely leave the heart out of everything. completely.
you make me irrational. completely irrational. it’s so good that it’s so bad.

42.195 this sunday. freaking out.