feeling so hungry now. haha. feelings is a very interesting and mysterious something. it affects your decision, your judgement and sometimes cause you to make bias opinion.

it’s feelings that allow a person to know if he or she is happy, sad, depressed, hopeless, helpless and you start to realise besides feeling happy, everything else is something you want to avoid.

everyday, everyone is presented with my reasons to be happy. but at the same time, some reason to feel otherwise. we choose what we want to feel. today and everyday else, I want to choose happy. that doesn’t mean that I am avoiding all the other emotions, they are there, and yes, they will hit me sooner or later. but from today, I will learn to embrace them better, and not let them eat happy up.

it’s my choose, my decision, my feelings. that even though every time I misses you, I think of you, and the eyes start welling, I tell myself, “boy, you have to move on, because you know very well that that’s not the path to walk, and because the destination to happiness have changed, it’s no longer there”.

I am trying very hard, and I thought that maybe writing it down and saying it out will help make it easier. I have been lying to myself for too long. yes, I have been missing you everyday, but I keep telling myself I don’t, and let myself stay in a state of denial. I can’t control my tears when I think of you. that’s why I can only do that when I am alone, when i am with myself.

feelings.

but in other news, Microsoft recent purchase of Nokia is either stupid or forced. looking at Microsoft today, I can’t help but feel sad for them. they used to be a company I admired and looked up to, even though the software they built was really shit. but they didn’t move on with time fast enough to realise that people got smarter and no longer except or allow themselves to accept shit software.

somehow buying Nokia is like Microsoft shortcut to getting a new CEO. but on 2nd thought? maybe I ought to write to bill and let him know I would probably do a better job and let me be the interim CEO eh? lol, then again, I can easily name at least 10 people who could do a better job than Ballmer did.

so many things to do, so little time and so little energy. I know for sure I want to go kayaking or windsurfing again real soon! I am missing the sun, sand and sea already. or maybe I should just bring my work to the beach!