just back from race the dead. i actually stopped for a while, trying to sort out what exactly i want to write about. haha, it’s one event where i have really mixed feelings about. you can say it’s a great event, you can say it was shit. i want to say its like an event organised by tertiary students or organisation, but i realise it’s actually an insult to them, because pretty much a lot of them (especially the well structured one), because they would have done a much better job! no way will they let any important component of the event be planned in 5 minutes! it’s just insane.

but let’s not talk about events of things that’s out of my reach or control. i feel like talking about myself today, or rather i made some realisation through this event.

there still a good two months before 2013 come to an end, but i really can’t wait for it to be over.
i did not realise how drastic this year have been until today. it was just the motion of going through phases after phases, enjoying the up, and moving on from the downs. i didn’t realise so much have happened in this mere 10 months. some days it was slow, but generally week just flashes pass, and before i know it, it’s another month. i feel so much change in me, that i am very surprise, sometimes afraid and sometimes uncomfortable with. surprised, afraid and uncomfortable not totally in a bad way, it’s simply my emotions towards these changes i experience. these emotions come together, because the changes i am uncomfortable with comes as a surprise, and changes where i surprise myself, i am just afraid. it’s the way it is because i can’t be certain if some changes is really what i want. there’s definitely welcoming change, but on a whole i guess it’s just too much for me to absorb and digest in this short span of time. i made a lot of irrational decisions, i also made plenty of stupid ones, and some that are pure dumb. but of course, i made many others that i am proud of, and can’t wait to see it evolve.

i am not too sure if it’s something that i can be proud of, but i learnt to stop judging. i am still learning, but it’s definitely a journey.
i have learnt to embrace many things. and these two have lead me to see many many things in a whole new perspective, and as it turn out, everything in life, it’s really about perspective. i start to look at simple thing from so many different perspective, sometimes, i get lost in my thoughts. sometimes, my thoughts just stay lost. but other time, i learn new inspiring motivations.

i started giving. a lot. to one extent, i actually have to convince myself to stop, because it was simply beyond my means. but there’s really just too many i want to help, one way or another. i realised the joy of tipping, i have to constantly remind myself on this, especially when they truly deserves it.

and i realise, what i really want to say today is, i have really learnt how to be happy. i learnt how to appreciate people and things around me even more. i learnt when to give and when it’s just time to a step back. i learnt to hold on, but also learnt to know when to let go. i learnt to let go, and actually letting go. i learnt to forgive, and eventually forget. i learnt to accept and i also learnt how to reject. i learnt that it’s not about what or how much you receive, but what you give.

i learnt that there is infinite ways for one to find joy, and no one reason is ever going to be good enough to stop me from experiencing joy.